School Rules:

The student is reminded of the importance of following the school's disciplinary code at all time.


  • Punctuality is essential. There can be no excuse for not turning up to school on time. You are there already.

  • The timetable is to be followed at all times. Or the times stipulated on the timetable, at least. Unless the timetable is not followed for a time (this may be a necessity, at times), or the student's actual school have timetabled something instead. Only joking! No chance of that.

  • Every morning shall be begun with a 'whole school assembly', at which all of the school shall be present. There will be bacon.

  • The fabric of the school buildings shall be respected. The plaster is already faling off the walls, and needs no further encouragement.

  • Occasionally, the junior school might join classroom lessons for 'field trips'. At these times, the student should not pick up the junior school and throw them out of the teaching area, even if the junior school is screaming 'bum' at the top of its voice.

  • Flatulence is not to be used as an offensive weapon in the teaching space.

  • These rules are subject to alteration at any time, according entirely to the current state of mind of Mr Hopwood.

..a school without rules is like the back alley behind a nightclub. Noisy, messy, and the worst possible place for a new generation of citizens to get started in life."


(Anon (Mr Hopwood))